Well I�m not sure if I�m going to be writing a lot in this blog. I had an online diary before and when it was read by people that I knew, I felt like I couldn�t be free to say what I really wanted to say anymore.

I guess there�s something I need to get off of my chest. But for the protection of people�s privacy I will change names. If you recognize yourself, hey -sorry, this is my story and its coming from my angle.

About a month ago I went to a party and was feeling really beautiful and confident. Someone came up to me, (we will call him Brain- because he�s stupid) So Brain is pretty drunk, and falling down all over our table. He throws his arm around my friend Jen, and he said to me �Hey- I know you, you are friends with my buddy, Brad-weren�t you guys like hooked up or something? Aren�t you guys like- fuck buddies or something?
I didn�t feel like discussing my private life really with Brain, and everyone else within earshot. So I just shrugged him off, but of course Brain didn�t want to let it drop, So he said �Well, either way- I just want to tell you that Brad�s girlfriend isn�t as pretty as you, and you shouldn�t let that bother you. � When he saw me making a face. He said �Oh You didn�t know he had a girlfriend? Well that shouldn�t bother you, Besides you look like the type of girl that wouldn�t mind anyway, You should still be hookin� up with that dude, you know, a guys gotta right to be with whoever he wants; whenever he wants; and you shouldn�t stop hookin up with him just because he has a girlfriend�

So I told him, �were not together, and I�m sure he probably does have a girlfriend� and I just ignored him, because he was obviously drunk rambling on about a bunch of stuff, and really seemed to be making a fool of himself. I was totally embarrassed.
Well a few days before this party, there a little back story. I had been seeing Brad casually over the summer, but it wasn�t very recent. I had been in contact with Brad the week before, and we had plans to go out. But I got a weird text message, at 12:30 am, on Wednesday night canceling our plans. It said �sorry I cant make it on Friday, I got back together with my EX.� the next day he Text�d me again saying �sorry about that message, I didn�t write that�. Truthfully I didn�t know or care what the real story was, I was just kind of confused and didn�t feel like playing any games.
We talked recently, and I told Brad that I didn�t have any hard feelings towards him, and I really got my feelings hurt because BRAIN ran his mouth.
I really like Brad too. Every time I�m around him, he makes me laugh hysterically, and he�s very thoughtful. He�s easy to be around, and there�s no pressure. He has these great blue eyes too.. Sigh.. Anyway.. I might go out with him again, I will just be careful. Besides Brad always knows how to apologize for all his dorky friends/ roommates.

Ever since this whole thing has happened, I haven�t had really any interest in dating anyone anymore. I�ve turned like 3 people down cold. If im not willing to trust people�s intentions for a simple date, I shouldn�t waste their time. I just wanted to take a step back and look at myself, saying, Am I putting off some kind of vibe that would make people think I�m somebody�s hook up/ sex buddy? Aren�t I good enough to be someone�s real girlfriend? Do people even make it official anymore? Why do I keep getting left out? Why was I the only person at this party without a real date?
This whole episode, (plus some New years Eve BS, )Has just left me totally scarred and left to question my friendships. If I was really important to you, wouldn�t you want me around? If you were at a party-would it bother you that I was home alone? If I was important to you, wouldn�t you treat me that way that I treat you?

So while I ponder my friendships, My new years resolution had been to only be 50/50 with my friends� I will take a step back and say � would this person do the same thing for me?� If they wouldn�t -then forget it. If I feel like someone is using me, then forget it. If you wouldn�t invite me to your house, then you wont ever get invited to mine. If you put me low on your list of priorities, you don�t rank high on mine either. I wont be pushed around anymore. Because the only person that seems to get their feelings hurt is me.

Treat people the way you would like to be treated in return.

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