Well this is going to be an off the wall entry, Because I havent in a while��

Umm here goes� I�ve been planning to have some plastic surgery at the end of this month. About 5 years ago I had a Tummy tuck.. Loved it, took off a 5 pound fupa I had going on in front. Made me look 1000 times better in clothes� improved my self esteem. In fact it was so helpful, I thought I would help myself to some more. Ha! I needed to have my Muffin Tops on my sides taken away.. Love handles.. Whatever you want to call them. I have saved for a year to afford it (about 4000)and pay it off in cash. Its basically getting part of my tummy tuck made perfect on the 2 sides and a little in front.
Well I thought what the hell!? Lets see what else we can do to the rest of me! Lets see about boobs too. I figured I would already be laid out on meds recovering so I might as well fix those beasts too. They were never perky and hot- and are left looking sad after my pregnancy weight gain/ loss.
I went to my plastic surgeon and he told me that because I am over 30, I need to have a Mammogram done, to make sure everything was looking good, and to also have a Pre- Boob job baseline view of my natural boobs on record. I went on Thursday and got a mammogram, and on Friday they gave my results back to me.
I never figured that I would be told there was a problem. I went back today for a few repeat views and another 2 mammograms-Its hard to explain but basically my whole entire right breast tissue looks abnormal. I figured that there would be a lump or a spot that they were looking at, not the whole thing. I NEVER thought the whole thing would be abnormal!!! Basically they advise against breast implants, ( because they cover up an hide cancers and abnormalities and I need to see a specialist and repeat this mammogram in another six months and see if this this is progressing or staying the same.
I�m so torn about this. Already I am in a place where I�m hating my body and my breasts. I just want to get everything fixed. I want to be young and still look hot. I was so ugly and overweight growing up. I felt like I was getting my chance to fix it and make it right. I�ve never been comfortable looking at myself naked. Now I�m feeling angry about this stupid right boob. Now It looks even uglier to me. Just to have the knowledge that it is just Sick and sitting there on my chest. I hated them before and now I�m really mad at this one.
People keep telling me that its good news I caught it earlier but I am mad that I basically am being told that I have to let it live there on my body for another 6 months letting it grow or whatever.
I don�t even really know what to think anymore and I�m probably not getting this down in the right words, but I�m mad. And depressed. Sigh.
Boobs are dumb.

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