Well the last time I updated, I mentioned that I had a date with Robert. Well it was a disaster. No- HE was a disaster. He�s tragic...
I go and meet him at the NEX- and that�s kind of like a mini mall here on base, and they have a bunch of shops but they happen to have a food court also. We have lunch at Rubio�s and the conversation is fine, but he keeps making comments with sexual undertones. Like when we were about to place our order at Rubio�s-he said� Tell her you want the beef- a whole big MOUTHFUL of BEEF� � ha ha insinuating some oral sex act.
He also told me that" you look like your anorexic- especially since the last time I saw you" I just thought that was terrible. I felt like I�m looking pretty decent these days. ( I�m a size 7 -9) not big/ not small. His comments just break down my self esteem.
We walk out to the parking lot, and he walks me to my SUV. I click open my car and toss my purse on the seat- and it starts to fall over. So quickly I dive over the seat- to grab it, before the contents of my purse were dumped out on the floor of my car. Robert grabs me around the waist and says �I could just take unzip your pants and take you right here in the parking lot� and he started wrestling with me, and got them unbuttoned. I was fighting with him. but he�s stronger than me. He managed to unzip them, but didn�t pull them down. (And were talking full parking lot of people here) I realize he was trying to be funny- but it wasn�t. It was juvenile.
He went to give me a kiss good bye on the check, but instead, he took a bite out of it, and it really hurt. It wasn�t like a hickey, It would have left a huge bruise. I told him to stop, that I bruise really easy, and I didn�t want to show up to work the next day looking like that.
I swear, on our little afternoon date, I must have told him 15 times, STOP- your hurting me. I ended up getting bit on the shoulder, and on the breast-
To make a long story short- I felt as though I was fighting and fighting. (there was a lot more-but...) I just flipped out and lost it. I used my nails and scratched the crap out of his neck and his arms, and clawed at his chest, trying to twist his nipple off. All I could think of was that I wanted to destroy his nipple. He started screaming at me �your a psycho- A fucking PSYCO!� and I said- well you pushed me to my limit- and you are making me feel like I have to defend myself, so I scratched you in self defense...
He kept saying over and over �your a psycho- A fucking PSYCO!� and looked me right in the eye and said �your a psycho- and i think you should go home" and i said" you know what? I think I just might" and with that I left... He called after me and said- I cant believe you are actually leaving- and i said--" YOU KNOW WHAT? I didn�t want his date to end like this- or turn out like this, but i guess it has.... Oh well."
And i walked off and went home, never looking back.
And when i got home I was physically shaking, and very upset because I felt so out of control in the situation. My arms and whole upper body ACHED like i had worked out, except all I had done was fight a grown man to keep him from biting me and taking my clothes off in public.
It reminded me of being sexually assaulted a few years ago- Except that I couldn't control the situation because i wasn�t strong enough. And it made me mad.
I dated Robert for about 2 months a couple years ago, and i never saw this side of him. I called up my friend Allie, and recanted the whole story, and was sooo upset.
What really sucks is that the whole incident has left me feeling very insecure about myself. I have totally wanted to get in a cave, and I�m feeling very dirty and ugly. Its almost been a week now, And i can finally see past the whole situation, and thank my luck that I�m not involved in an abusive relationship with him, and that he's an ass- and I�m not the one with a problem.
A friend Cooper from work has invited me to come to a new years party with him and some friends. I�m just not sure how i feel about trusting men at this point, especially if there is booze involved. Who Knows? Maybe if my friend Cat from work is going, and i have a girl to pal around with, then maybe i will go.. but definitely not alone.

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