I got an email from my cousin Mandy today.. She will becoming to San Diego for YN legal school in the end of Sept.. I�m looking forward to it.. she's the only cousin I am really close to.. and even though she will only be here for like 2 weeks, It will be fun I�m sure. I will show her around i guess.

I�ve been Emailing David every day...He's not a bad guy... Our friendship is really strong as it was when we would be at our repair locker.. And I�m really guilty of telling him stuff and sounding really preachy.. like i�m tellign him what to do...think my last email was too �preachy� I thought about it later, and i thought maybe i was sounding like a "know it all." I didn�t mean to. We are just really good at talking to each other in person,, and sometimes its hard to get across stuff in an email.

But Sometimes i need a private place too. and i know he will never tell anyone what we talk about...

Yeah sometimes i don�t know what�s going to happen with Sam and I when he gets back... He seems to take it for granted when he's home... and we never do anything... I don�t think he's a bad guy.. I just think that his idea and my idea of spending a lot of time together are 2 different things. I dont think he ignores me to be an ASS.. I just think he doesn�t get it... When he's home ... he plays a lot of video games... And I know that he does it on the ship too.. It just always makes me think that he likes GAMES more than me...

I try not to take it personally.... but sometimes it does hurt

I was trying to say that sometimes I think that if Sam had stayed here- we probably wouldn�t be together... but then again... I see my sister... She's in an emotionally abusive relationship.... and whenever she comes over here... Her husband says... "What are you going to do? move in with her and leave me because she has a 3 bedroom right now?" he yells at her.. and calls her BITCH.. when she's on the phone.. and he knows that other people on the other end of the line can hear that too.

It makes me think that Sam's problem of preferring Video games.. ISN�T the worst thing that a boyfriend could be doing.. and usually When I sit him down and tell him something is really bugging me(or i cry about it) then he gives me the attention I want and need.

He's not a bad guy... Just oblivious sometimes... And I�m really guilty of not telling him stuff is bugging me till i blow up about it... We are just really quiet when it comes to stuff like that.. and that makes for a bad combo.. because the no one is talking to each other.

I think it will be like starting all over when he finally gets home... I�m going to have to get used to thinking about someone else again.

but i know i can trust David ( and my diaryland friends) not to tell him any of that... I finally had to lock my diary because i felt like he was reading it every day and when he read that.. then he knew how i felt about certian things.... And i felt like -- If he wanted to know about stuff.. then all he would have to do is talk to me.. not read the diary. I almost didn�t mind if he read it sometimes.... But Sometimes i need a private place too. and i know David will never tell him what we talk about...

becuase im pretty sure that David still has a crush on me... because he wrote me...

I know even though we have known each other for very short amount of time. I can accredit a lot of my happiness to you because of our friendship. You make me laugh when I have had bad days, and I know that you would always be there if I needed someone. That is a feeling that is irreplaceable. It is NOT being selfish.

I greatly appreciate the friendship that we have. I wouldn't give that up for anything. Thank you for being such a great, wonderful person. You bring joy to many people lives, and I am included. That is a quality that is rare in the best of most people. So, if I leave you with one piece of advice. Don't ever change the way you are.

*****************

sure sounds like he has a crush on me huh? No body else pours on the compliments like syrup like he does....

Sometimes it makes me a little un comfortable- because what if he just busts out some day that he is in love with me...

Whats sad is that i could totally see that ACTUALLY happening...

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