Nope the apartment isn�t set up... Still boxes everywhere, and if I sent you pictures now, i would look like a pig! Haha

No really, it�s a lot of work to get everything hung back up, put away, etc. I was hanging up clothes a few minutes ago.

I haven�t written in a week because the cable and internet wasn�t working� I thought I was going to die! I got my cable and stuff fixed, apparently the male end of the cord, (the little copper wire) out in the main box on the side of the building was cut too short to get any good connection. That�s why i had no internet. I�m glad it works now.

I had our command picnic today out at admiral baker. I went by myself and I hated walking in a big sea of 900 AIMD people to find my mustering PO. I felt like everyone was looking at me. It just made me want to go home. I don�t like to be looked at. Our command is 95 percent guys and a lot of the girls I work with are on shore duty because they are big and pregnant. There�s not a lot of girls like me -unmarried and thin- maybe 5.

I found Angel and Earl, 2 guys i work with, and talked to them for a bit. At our command picnic they had all kinds of barbeque- but i didn�t eat any food. I just drank water.

One of my friends Wardlaw always comes and talks to me at work and stuff� (Little country guy- maybe 5-6) He's my little buddy. I always talk to him about whatever is going on in his relationships... Well he came up to me, and he's never seen me in Civvies, with my hair down - so then I realize that there�s a whole table of his friends close by who are drinking beer and making comments about us "talking" - you know how people start to think you are dating and stuff if you are seen talking to someone too much. So anyway Wardlaw said to ignore them, but he didn�t care what they thought, because everyone would think he's "the man" because it doesn�t bug him if everyone thinks he's talking to a hot chick from AIMD.

It just bugs me because commands never change-and that�s why I hate those functions. I just felt like i was on display� I never felt so alone.

A guy Logan- (my stalker) asked me why I came alone... Everyone still asks me where my boyfriend is.... I told them you are still in Japan, but were still together...So some guy Cooper-(who's always being funny and was stationed in Japan) Said "hey I bet your boyfriend isn�t sitting on the ship- yesterday was payday! I bet he's running the streets and hitting up the strip clubs!" har har "maybe you should worry about him!"

It makes me feel bad. I�m always alone. I wish you were here but i know you would never go anywhere like that with me.

So after that I was sad and just went home by myself.

Wardlaw asked me what I was doing this weekend- and I told him I was cleaning... He's pretty harmless, but sometimes I�m afraid to make friends because it might lead people to think other stuff is going on. Plus Everett (Wardlaw) might think i have the hots for him later on.

I went over to Allie's house after and I was pretty depressed, She told me to cheer up because she said I looked really nice ( wore a pink and brown striped shirt and low jeans) I felt like i should have went there looking ugly... so no one would notice me.

This has been a really hard week on me, maybe but I just feel really isolated from the whole world. I have been having a really hard time eating this week too. I�ve only been able to keep down a vegetarian diet and eat crackers. Being really hot makes me feel terrible and have no appetite. I just feel really invisible this week.

All I pretty much eat is tomatoes and wheat crackers. I figure ive lost about 5 pounds since Sam has been gone. I got a brand new digital scale and its about a 7 lb difference from my spring scale. so as of today I weigh 141. It came with a disk to keep track of your progress and BMI. Im gonna install it later. This should be interesting...

Sometimes it�s not that bad when I have to go through my week all alone but this week it�s been super bad. I feel really ugly and invisible. I guess i just feel like no one wants to hang out with me.

I guess a lot of it is still hanging over from when Sam was home, when I was alone a lot by myself still. He made me feel like I was no fun to be around. But that party today really put me in a bad mood.

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