Yesterday wasn�t bad... had the whole day off and just stayed home watching TV and researching more apartments.... My old manager came by today and told me there was a 3 bar opening up in the complex where she manages now...for 1030.00$ I�m not really interested in living in El Cajon but it was nice of her to come by and think of us to mention it... I�m one of the only people that is left here she still knows.

It was nice to have the day off to do nothing since it�s been such a hard week... basically I have 4 days off out of 7 this week. And I still have a free day off to use next week whenever I choose. I really needed a break...

I tried to write about this issue on Sunday- but my file got corrupted after I saved it- and I took that as a sign that maybe I should spare myself the trouble of trying to retrieve it because that was a sign that I shouldn�t update the whole sordid story�. But now it�s been bothering me and I must at least write it here, in case anything else happens� let me explain.

On Sunday I got a Request on my Yahoo instant messenger from someone named "bigeasycock" asking for permission to add me to their friend/buddy list... and the little note that was below it said "hey- can I ask you a question?"

And at first I thought it was some spam porn- but I clicked on the button that said {view members profile} and I saw the picture of who it was... It was that guy that did that attack on me 2 years ago....

Its got me totally freaked out.... I don�t know how he researched my profile name.... other than doing a yahoo search...I don�t know why he wants to ask me anything.... I�ve been trying really hard to push everything that went along with that down really far; so I don�t have to think about it anymore... It just makes it really hard for me to function this week, I cannot sleep-been having nightmares...and i've been crying everyday... Why can�t he leave me alone?

I blocked his stupid email address and didn�t respond to him.... But I have so much other things i am trying to do. I just don�t really need this in my life anymore you know? I want it to be over... It just leaves me feeling very uneasy and thinking about it constantly.... But I feel like I can�t get away from it...

So i am going to go stop by the counseling place on base tomorrow. The place is called SAVI and it stands for Sexual Assault Victim Intervention Program Because this whole thing is making me physically sick...I can�t really even function this week... Everything feels really out of control, and my eating disorder is way off the chart this week, I haven�t been doing this bad with it in years... So I guess I need some help.

I just made myself a promise that I would go check into getting some counseling (I never did) and go at least once... I don�t know what else to do...

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