Well, I know-I know I haven�t updated.. I feel as though I don�t have enough time to write with my boyfriend peering over my shoulder, (still here in Cali on leave) He�s always downstairs in font of his computer- which is right next to my computer, and if he saw me update; then he would try to read my diary.

Its been less than fun the whole time he�s here�. And It�s a lot of crap but I will try to nutshell it all quickly.

Still getting no attention from him, and no LOVIN�- but I don�t want the luvin anymore.. I�m over it. He�s so selfish and self focused anyway on himself when he�s doing it� that there�s no point in me getting dirty for no reason. I�m better off saying no. I�m sure he�s going to want to get one last one in before he leaves, but there�s really no chance of it at this point. I cried to him about it about a week ago, and it didn�t do any good� I told him I was feeling lonely and he was sorry that he tried to neglect

It just really feels like he used me like a hotel to have someplace to crash while he was on leave. I really feel like this was a test on our relationship and we failed the test. It almost doesn�t matter to me now though. I would rather know now that this whole thing hasn�t worked out- than another year into our relationship down the road.

I�m just so tired of even thinking about it. I just want him to leave so I can have my old life back.

I talked to my friend Kelly on the phone yesterday, and she said one of my problems is that I am not used to having to interact with REAL LIFE people, and that�s why I have been fighting with him about little things day in and day out.

I guess that would be why every time he takes a breath I get SUPER annoyed. HAHA

I will try to update now that I am back at work and not on leave anymore, And try to give better updates of what�s been going on� And what ends up happening with us.

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