Not doing too much here at work, I wish I had a t.v so I could watch something instead of just flipping back and forth on the internet. There�s no one to talk to here.

I had no idea that Mandingo meant big cock or something. Sam wrote me an email and told me thats what it meant. I just never thought about it. I feel kind of stupid because that�s kind of obvious too. The whole point of giving people fake names in my diary is so nobody can figure out who I�m really talking about anyway.

Well I didn�t work during the day today and nothing is really going on here at night. Nobody really comes by unless they need a pen or some masking tape and that�s maybe only once an hour. My stalker keeps walking by and making bird noises. I can�t figure that one out.

I went to work out today before work and got a pretty good workout in actually. I got on the elliptical machine first for 20 min to warm up because my muscles were super tight from the run I did the other day, and then I got on the treadmill for another 20min and ran. It felt so good to be done working out and know I�ve done something good for myself today. Too bad working out makes me horny. That sucks. I forgot my coat at home and I�m freezing in here because my hair is still wet from my shower. I wish I had someone in here in my office I could borrow one from. Having some hot green tea to drink is the only thing keeping me warm right now. I might just walk out to my car and grab my Point Loma sweatshirt to wear over my uniform.

I don�t know why, but I was missing Sam especially bad yesterday. I felt like I would have given anything to just have him be by my side for 15 minutes. Maybe I just needed a hug.

I know that I�m sometimes really lame about telling Sam my feelings and stuff like that. I wish i could be a better girlfriend. I'm trying to be there for him while he's gone, but i dont know what he needs sometimes. Sometimes I have even been accused of not having any feelings at all. I just have a problem letting people �in � sort of. Sometimes it�s easier for me to hide, or pretend that I don�t like somebody that much, that way when its over I can pretend I really didn�t care at all in the first place. That�s one of the reasons I never told him that � I love you� until I heard it from him first. I�m not brave enough to say that kind of stuff. What if I had said It first and he would have said something like � um- thanks,,,� I just cant ever handle that kind of rejection. Its stupid that I take so long to say something little like that.

Well I should go. I see I have a part to pick up at the warehouse. So I guess I will go now.

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