Well i'm sitting here at the computer.. just got done doing some practice questions for BMR.. remember i got that shitty 2nd class exam tomorrow... I dont really give a fuck anymore....i gave up on that shit about a year ago....but they let me go home 2 hrs early today...so i could "STUDY" hah...

Well i studied a little... i may do some more BMR stuff. I figure if anything -that BMR stuff makes a lot more sence to me than SK/ AK shit....and i may be able to retain a bit of it... I wish i wasnt so dumb. Theres nothing that makes me feel more stupid than these tests. And i KNOW I'm not going to make it again....SOOO.. then when i get the results back in a few months i can be reminded of how stupid i am.....AGAIN...

I talked to Rachael's dad Brian last night. He does home loans for century21 ...He's going to do some research to see if i could qualify for a loan for a condo.... Probably not.. the outlook is pretty depressing.. but i guess you never know.... He said theres no harm in trying... Its pretty depressing that i'm almost 30 and i dont have a house or anything of mine.. you know?

I have my first wedding this weekend on saturday working for that Gail lady at greenwell photography.....its at a place called marina village. right on the water by mission beach...

Well its an outdoor wedding and the bride is wearing RED.. they are pretty wild i guess .. it will give me a chance to get some more pictures for my portfolio to show my "work".. i was getting a little nervous about the whole thing ,, but i remembered that the bride is already going to have the "REAL" photographer she paid for there.(gail)... and all of my photos will be A BONUS... if any of them can make the bride happy .. well good for me... but there mostly for me, and my portfolio.. and to practice taking pictures... so.. i own the film on these ones ... wish me luck...

I keep getting scared here by myself, and last night i guess i was sleepwalking upstairs.i guess i even ate a little peppermint patty in my sleep.. i vaguely remember that i ate some thing.. I guess that I woke up;I saw it and ate it.. usually that happens when i go to sleep hungry that stuff happens..... how scary.....havent done that in a while. Thats the last thing i need is to be macking down in my sleep... but i guess one little miniature isnt going to send me to Fat Camp or anything.....

I'm not used to being here by myself....I never got and counseling for that sexual assault last year. I just hate that shit.. i dont want to dredge up old stuff.. whenever ive done any counseling, talking about stuff ive pushed down makes me more depressed in the first place, and makes my eating disorder OUT OF CONTROL. I'm talking about yacking up food 4-5 times a day.... Every damn noise gets my heart just pounding..Last night the neighbors walked upstairs and i SWEAR that it sounds like someone is coming upstairs to get me....I just get frozen with fear i'm so scared....

I still havent gotten my Tax return....I did them on the 23rd and they said 10-12 working days.... I want my money.. i'm waiting to file those damn court papers for back child support again, and if it's going to cost me another hundred bucks , i want to do it when i have Extra money....

Hmm well wish me luck tomorrow on my dumb test...

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