Im mad. the whole diary i was updating is gone. I hate word processing programs that are hooked to the whole server.

Well I decided to start taking my Paxil again, and along with it comes all the side effects like no orgasms, night sweats, diarrhea, and intense nausea. and thats just to name a few. Ive been feeling really on edge and getting mad about everything lately. I feel like ive been yelling at Hunter too much, and resenting my boyfriend for everything. So I need the Paxil to calm down.

Well the other day i was nauseated and lying next to him in bed. Because I wasnt feeling well, he jokingly asked if he could masturbate on my leg. I told him he was being gross, and disrespectful. The next thing i know, i felt the bed shaking and I looked over and he's staring at me, and JERKING off! I was horrified and mad. I got up and slept on the couch. I told him the next day that he was being an ass. i told him im not going to come over anymore if he thinks he can treat me like that.

I believe he has gotten to the point in the relationship where he feels too comfortable around me, and he sometimes doesnt give me any attention at all. Ive tried to talk to him about it but he doesnt get it.

So last night Im over there and he's ignoring me again, and I spent a good deal of time sitting in his living room by myself reading a magazine. I was getting really depressed and i feel so alone sometimes over there. soon he will be leaving for japan, and it might be 10 months before he comes back. so I just dont get it why he wouldnt want to enjoy my company now while im around.

I was laying on the couch in the dark, and he came out to see if i fell asleep on him. I was so hot it was like I was running a fever. He freaked out and made me take my shirt off and he turned the fan on full blast even though it was 50 degrees outside.

Its like he doesnt care what im doing until im laid out and dying.

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