I have this diary, and i know that most of my readers arent even people i know...so why am i afraid to write about all the secret things i do? I mean the people that read this diary wouldnt even know me if they passed me on the street, and some dont even live in Calif.. let alone live in san diego.

Im out to sea and i find that i am bored, i worked out during lunch aagain today and am sure feeling it in my abs.. but why do i have to eat and puke.?? why cant i just go to my office and have some water for lunch.? why cant i just say "well im ahead of the game,, why dont i just keep my stomach empty?" i cant.

Today i ate like a heifer...it was a binge even...ate a huge lunch, and then consumed much liquids, then i ate 3 things of M&M's and yes they were good. Then i went to my secret bathroom for some peace. its good no one ever goes there..GOOD because im so loud today... made sure i got it all too.

And i did it all again at dinner...it was pretty greasy too. im about to go make my pilgramage to that bathroom again...

What am i worried about? i feel great when i work out....I have a nice guy AKA TheBoy.. and even though we have it under wraps at work, i am secure in it. he makes me feel good when im with him.. He makes me feel very cared for and taken care of....why do i worry about my body so much until im red-teary eyed and my heart is beating so fast....

let me go for a walk to my secret place now

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