weird day yesterday,,

first off i got an explanation from Rob why he didnt come over... he was violently ill. but i didnt believe him.. no specific reason why i just had a feeling... i mean if he had said he was just tired i would have believed that! Im done caring anymore...NEXT!

So yesterday im at work and Cab was telling us about his seattle trip...and how he was in a car but he spotted HM2 marshall there.. but we were like..umm no he's in Hawaii! but he was convinced it was him and he kept bringing it up.

So yesterday I get a letter at work from an old co worker.. guess who? HM2 Marshall.. postmarked from hawaii! and i havent talked to him in months..since he left this command..lets re-cap on marshall..5-6 ..not cute... Resembles Dexter the cartoon kid,, and had redish hair... he was a good friend of mine...well at work.. and had a HUGE Crush on me! once he had to be told by the command that he had to remove the SHRINE he had built of me in his locker using pictures he had stolen and surrepticiously taken of me.

Well i got over that because he was just so sweet...and harmless, plus he really cared about me and called to check up on me the weeks after i had surgury...

I was never attracted to him though and only interested in being friends. nevertheless he was the only guy to ever profess his love for me , ask me to marry him and we had never even dated!

So the letter is basically apologizing for acting like an ass.. because i wouldnt have a serious relationship with him...and he wouldnt even speak to me at the end. he told me that i am the most wonderful, kind, beautiful person.. and he wants to be friends again .. i will probably write,, i feel sorry for him.

So i get home yesterday and of course i get no phone call from Rob...whom i will officially proclaim in my diary is the newest Ex boyfriend... i still have a bruise he left me but thats all i have left.

and im crying on the phone to my sister for like an hour because im depressed about not having friends... She tells me that the last time she saw me last week i was looking super skinny and pale.. and i need to get some counseling for everything thats happened in the last year,,eat and take vitamins... i just hardly felt better after talking to her...

I told her that the only reason people want to talk to me is because they want to Fuck.. and thats all it boils down to. and once they finally get it.. no matter how long i hold out.. the chase is up and they dont want me anymore...

To prove this point in the middle of the night i get a booty call from an old ex Sean M. and he's doing his best to convince me that i should just come over and get him because hes living only 3 blocks awayand how much he know i want it and what he will do to me .. where he will kiss me...etc... and i really dont want to. i mean it would have been an all nighter... he is just like that. and technically i am dumped but i think it is too soon to be hooking up with someone else.... plus i think im just past that point in my life where i want to be having sex with someone just for the sweat and friction. I wanted a real boyfriend.. sigh....

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