well i officially had an epiphany about my men problems...

it is..ive never had a relationship unless he was a bigger fucking loser than everyone else in the world.and thats why they were attracted to me.therefore and hereto i must exude loser ness.

i really must find a way to appear that i have it all together.or at least not look like a loser.

i didnt write the other day because i was really ashamed of myself. and usually im cool with everything i do.but this time i felt really bad.

I cheated on the physical running test for the navy.

I accomplished this because the trail was to run 3/4 mile down a sidewalk along the beach and reach a timer person who also counts how many runners pass him and then pivot and run the exact side walk back. the trick is i ran about 1/2 mile straight into a mens bathroom and hid and then when the coast was clear i ran back with out ever reaching the turn around point. this shaved about a half mile off of my run and helped me come in under my allotted time.

sola told me ahe was proud of me for being able to accomplish the cheating and not get caught. i dont feel so good about it.

therefore i am a big fucking loser and a CHEATER. i am a big wheezing cow who cant run. i am a procrastinator who doesnt work out.

Its no wonder i only hook up with losers.

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