well im about to head to bed in a while and i cant think of anything cheery to write but ill write these thoughts..

i went to sleep today at lunch and had a horrible nightmares about not being able to trust people .. i just kept walking around and finding out that this person or that person had lied and i found out the truth over and over...never can rest i guess..

My only hobbies are throwing up lately.. i guess i need to feel the intensity and violence in it i guess.everything else is mundane and boring...

today i threw up so much that i couldnt hear for a couple of miniutes.. i guess it was from all the blood rushing to my head...i felt much better afterward. its sad that i looked forward to that all day..then i look in the mirror and i i look so bad ,,,my eyes are watery and almost seem to bulge out and i have broken blood vessels around my eyes that never seem to go away..

and if all that isnt enough i cant wait to do it again tommorow :)

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