i guess i havent updated in a couple...

i dont know whats wrong with me lately...

i feel like im a big ugly dork today and yesterday...

well it started with me being real introspective. i feel like ive had a bunch on my mind... the ma's at work trying to charge me with stealing a camera that belongs to my workcenter... and the camera was locked up in the safe the whole time... they seemed upset when the camera was located.. not that it was ever missing. they never bothered to ask the simple questions. they just assumed that since a camera was bought that it was automatically stolen.. and all because i signed for the delivery from the driver. BUT THATS PART OF MY JOB.!

so im real quiet yesterday and Rob's trying to get me to talk.. and i tell him that i got a lot on my mind and one of the reason's is work and one reason is because my Ex boyfriend was back in town, and the city we were in yesterday was where he lives. i was just real sick to my stomach all day. I have this premonition that he is going to come back and try to fuck with my head. he always does.

Well we get back to Rob's place...and he makes a smart comment about how somehow the conversation always ends back up at my ex boyfriend.. and my comment was "well at least im not actually talking to them on the phone, like you are.."

He was the one who kept asking me to open up...and talk!

Turns out i knew his ex wife previously and he wanted to ask her if she remembered me and basically be spiteful about it..i felt like he wanted to take our relationship and use it spitefully to rub it in her face.... and i would rather have her not know.. and i told him like 4 times to please not say anything.. but of course he called her and did ask her anyway... and i was a little mad.

so im like getting all hot and he said you know what im going to just get in the shower.. and i said .. well im going to take off and catch you later...i walk past him calmly and i get my shoes and my purse and walk out to my car.. i just dont want to continue the arguing...

I start the car and im going to drive away.. real slow...so he doesnt think im peeling out my car tires.. and i see him come out on his porch and he said.. i cant believe you were actually going to leave!

And i told him i just dont want to fight with you.I cant stand it. It makes me sick.He was till mad and he said something like you should just tell me right now if you have issues with these guys and we should end it right now.And im like i dont! i was just thinking about him today because i have this psycic thing going on and my stomach has been upset because i know he is so close.. and i know he still loves me and cant let it go. and im worried that hes going to fuck up anything good i have going on.

well we make up and go inside...and later we are having sex and im about to come...and he starts making fun of my moans and noises i make..."you said oh my god like 10 times".. and he got in the shower and kept laughing and mocking me.. i mean theres no better way to make someone self conscious about themselves or their body.

I just felt like crawling in a little dark cave after that...

first off i talk too much and second of all i make stupid sex noises.

why does he even like me...

so basically im just feeling real dumb and stuff. stupid and ugly....and i want to be alone...

previous || next