today i had Botox. I cant believe i was brave enough. just the thought of needles being stuck in my forehead conjures up pain...but it was relatively pain free. for all of you who do not yet appreciate the benifets of botox,,,it is a form of the disease Botulism...it is used to paralyze the nerves whch control the frowning muscles in your face..and these muscles i use a lot. enough in fact that i have deep wrinkles in my forehead. after having the treatments the muscles will not be used so the wrinkles will fade...get it ? o.k. well the end result is i have a little bit of that novicaine feeling down my forehead and behind my eyes.a mini headache if you will. and i am not supposed to take a nap or lie down..this afternoon.my doc said that i will be suprised how different people will treat me when im not frowning so much. we will see. im sure diary that you will get the update.

well i havent mentioned it before but in my diary...but 1 year ago i got abdominoplasty..a tummy tuck. i used to weigh over 200 twice and i lost it all being bulimic but i had loose skin...and needed to get rid of it. well today i had my post op appointment and they brought out my before picures and i did not even recognize my former stomach. it was just hideous. it did not even look remotely familiar. i guess i just blocked it out.after looking at the pictures for 6 hours now ,, i am remembering the gut though. god i hated that damn thing..i cant believe i hated myself so much that i let my stomach run my life...but the pictures bring back why.i cant believe i ever let someone see me naked..what was i thinking?

well i went over to susies house to show her my new face and my tummy tuck pictures because she lives right around the corner...and i come right in the kitchen like i always do...and there sits rachael...my ex best friend who i have no idea why she doesnt like me.and shes sitting her pregnant fat ass on the couch eating and she never looked up.,,, so i just keep on walking and i said.."oh nevermind..ill just go...im sorry..." and susie said "oh im sorry "as i walked out the door... i hope her stupid ass felt uncomfortable.i have the feeling it became a big deal after i left. im cool with her mom and her sister and everyone else... but not her,, i dont think she even knows how much i talk to her mom susie.

any way this whole thing had me feeling dumb and stupid...so i went grocery shopping and then home... im not going to mention it the next time i talk to susie.. but if she brings it up ill just blow it off.

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