here i am writing on tuesday and i had something happen 2 days ago.. i always do that because i need time to sort everything out..

i hung out with Chad on Easter...it was good fun .. we played with hunters new toys and we talk a lot like we always do..well i take him home so he can go with his girlfriend to his aunts house for supper...and lo and behold they get in a fight because his girlfriend doesnt like him hanging with me..even though were not cheating together... so the whole easter dinner never happened..and she ended up leaving.

Well Chad calls me because hes so mad...and we end up talking on the phone for hours. So i wasnt expecting this...but he finally is like confessing his feelings for me" i love you and always have...I want to be with you..i love your son and i want you to be a mother to my daughter like i know she needs in her life..I think we should just get married and that will solve our problems of not being together.. lets get married in three weekends.. lets go to vegas.."

I was crying and i said im afraid that he will just dump me again..or he will marry me and then change his mind and we will both be devastated..

I would be lying if i said i wasnt tempted. This is the only person ive ever been in love with and i have the dopiest feelings for him still. i just figure he's talking a lot of nonsence because hes at a crossroads where hes stuck. so i tell him that "ill give him 2 weeks to change his mind as a cooling off period...and he can retract that marriage proposal without penalties"

So we are getting off the phone like 4 hours later.. and he tells me he loves me and starts to say something but then stops.... and i say "hmm were you saying something.." and he says no..im not going to officially propose to you over the phone..

I just feel that if we got together that i have so much to lose...and all of my friends are so sick of him not coming through for me. and im tired of it. i really do want to be together with him but it is horrible timing. i want to be with him because the time is right for us .. not the time is running out for him and his girlfriend..im not coming in second place ..

I think all in all he was having a bad day and he wont take 2 weeks to change his mind about being married.. he will take 2 hours and be over it.

previous || next