well the weirdest thing happened today.. my ex boyfriend showed up at my ship today and i havent seen him in a year.... i gave him a hug and it just made my heart pound so much that my whole body hurt to look at him.

we talked about his mom and caught up on friends and stuff....and we talked a little bit about what happened between us but then he was saying you know you cant look back and dwell on the past because it happened and its over with... but i said i do think about it because i dont want to make the same mistakes again. and we laughed a little because i still dont have a real boyfriend since him,, i mean i date- but i date a lot of guys and none of them are exclusive or serious.and i said i think nobody can stand me and he said i put up with your shit for 2 and a half years so youll find someone who will.

He wants to get out of the military so that he can see his little girl again,,he hasnt seen her since we were on our last trip to wisconsin 2 years ago. its crazy! and he said you are getting out arent you ? and i just looked down and he said"baby dont do it " and i just started crying and said i dont get any child support and this year hunter was going through kidney failure and im the only one with insurance. and he said that im independant and ill be able to do it and be able to take care of myself.but its so hard...and i am all alone so much.

He finally said that hes having problems in his marriage,,and he thinks they are just going different places in their lives...and i said do you understand how hard it is now? i tried to tell you ....but he said that she wants to work on the marriage but he just said its over for him but now hes leaving and doesnt know how long till he comes back and thats so uncertain....

He brought up all the crazy things we used to do..well i was playing around and i said oh your still cute to me and id still hump you. And he said what? and i said oh nothing... and he said he heard what i said and i just laughed. well when we were leaving to walk out to his car.. he said hes never cheated on his wife and he never will but looking at me was making him think bad thoughts about me. ha ha

Im sure hes just at a real rough time right now... and im not sure what to think of him coming by to see me.. does he still want to see if he has any feelings for me? is it to tell me he wants me back? i dont know...but one thing was for sure ,, he couldnt look me in the face when he said goodbye and he couldnt when he told me that he had gotten over me.and when he drove off i saw him looking back at me.i knew a long time ago he would never be able to leave san diego without saying goodbye to me.

It makes me think theres still something there.I do think of him all the time and hope hes doing well. but i really think a lot about things like if i should have tried harder to work things out.. but we were going through crazy times and we needed each other... but i still wasnt ready to get married.. Ill always be there for him as a friend though. and i hope he is mentally well and stays safe out there..

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